I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
