I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
