No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
