god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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