New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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