Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
