I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
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He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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