i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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