I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
