do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
