Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
