Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
