just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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