when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
