There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
