So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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