he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
