Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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