Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
honey bunches of taint.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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