tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
