haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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