I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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