life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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