True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
