elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
