Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
