yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
