Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
