hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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