Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
