Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize