Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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