She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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