don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
