Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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