And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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