i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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