Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
