just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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