Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
