As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
