The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
