My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
