i was born a porn star she said
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
