Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
