is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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