you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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