If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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