I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
