I'm so fucking centered right now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
