How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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