i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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