He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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