I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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