I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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