Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
