why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
