i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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