Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
