Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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