I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
