yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
