I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
