Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
