i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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