Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
