I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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