i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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