just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
