I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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