If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
