Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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