I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
