I just threw up on my dentist
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
