I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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