i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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