I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
